We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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