i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
