bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
pop tarts are not kleenex
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
