Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
