and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
