I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
