i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
