if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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