i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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