He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
