It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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