Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
