He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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