I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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