Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
