Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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