so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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