Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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