with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
