how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
whose ass print is on the piano?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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