In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he fucked my hip out of place.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
