there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
