Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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