when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
