You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
