I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
