I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
