I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
