We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
