Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
