Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
