3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
