So drunk its hurt
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
