is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's blow job season.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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