I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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