Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
