McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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