oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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