4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You're like the curious george of whores
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
