Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
