Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
