and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how drunk are you?
Several
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
