I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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