I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
