A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
