Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
