two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
