I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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