it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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