omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
