Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
