I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
