Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
