I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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